Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Right. So those that know that I've been speaking once a month on a manage your life series. Once a month. Just trying to get really practical, obviously pulling out some scripts. We've got some real application into our lives. So, first of all, we looked at managing mouth. Looked in James, didn't we? On the rudder, on the ship. Big thing, the mouth. Last time I looked at the heart, which was good one to check our hearts. So, yeah, today we move on to manage your marriage. Manage your marriage.
But before we do. Before we do, I'd just like to do a couple of minutes on singleness. And I'm going to share some thoughts and then I'm going to hand over to Esther, who's going to share some thoughts as well. Is that okay? How much know the body is important. Everyone that's here is important. So whether you're single or married, you are included. This morning. I want us all to get something out of this. So, yeah, when I was single. So I recommit my life when I was 23 to Jesus in quite a radical way. On a dance floor in the center of Leeds. And I was crying with a halo appealing around me, not a heavenly halo. People going, what's that weirdo doing? As I was crying my eyes out in the middle of the dance floor. But I knew I couldn't do another day without Jesus in my life. Okay? However, that was when I was 23. I didn't meet this lovely lady till I was 30. Why? Because God was doing some stuff in me and I want to share some thoughts for singleness. That certainly helped me and I'm hoping can help you. So probably 25, probably about two years after recommitment my life to God, I knew I had to get really serious with my walk with God. It was too much of Jack the lad Phil creeping into my Christian walk. Are you with me? And I went to live. Actually, I worked in Manchester at a big steel company. I lived in Leeds, but I worked in Manchester, so I used to travel over the Pennines. And I met some friends on a Christian ski holiday who lived in a place called Macclesfield, not so far from Manchester. You could get a train in. He said, bill, why don't you come live with me? And there was a guy there called Pete and Al. They were lovely, godly guys, a couple of years older than me. And I rented a room. But it was the most special year I had walking with God. And Pete would challenge me often. And what I did was he used to write scriptures all around this little room. I had on the wall. I felt lonely. I felt single. But I had a cracking year with God. And I remember three scriptures that I've written down this morning that are embedded in my mind. Sometimes you can have one of those years with Jesus real sets you up for life. First one was Psalm 119, verse nine. How can a young man, as I was then, keep his ways pure by living according to your word? Great challenge for me. Philippians one six. Probably you all know this one. He that began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Or should I say, he that begun a good work in you will carry on to completion. And then one of my favorites, which you've heard shared before, Psalm 37 four, delight yourself in the Lord, full stop, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Right. Those three scriptures were really powerful to me, and I used to see them on my wall every day. And I challenge you to do that if you're single this morning, spend a year. I actually said, at the start of the year, I'm not saying you have to do this, but for me, I said, lord, I am not bothered about meeting yet. I want a special year with you. Now, I'm not saying that's something you have to do, but for me, it was awesome because it took away the loneliness for me for that time. There was a period of time I said, it is all about you, first and foremost. And I just had the most amazing year with God. And I just want to say as well, in that season for me, before I hand over to Esther, in that period of reading Scripture, of really praying, of seeking him, I felt it set me up to be the right husband for Esther. We've often joked, actually, haven't we, in our marriage? If she said, if I'd have met you when you were 23, we probably wouldn't have gone dating. Charming. Thank you, Esther. But she was waiting for a husband that loved Jesus. She was waiting for a godly man. And there were some things in me that, frankly, needed sorting out from the way I was living my life. And I could only do that. Me and him. Are you with me? I want you to know, in your time of singleness, that you and him time actually makes for an amazing you and her time or her and him time. I feel it was a bedrock that set me up for life. It was a fantastic foundation for my walk with God. There were still three more years, and I've been in many sermons as a single guy. In those years, between the age of 25 and 30, I was lonely. I was. And I think it's okay to admit that, you know what I mean? Let's be honest with each other. But I wanted a Christian wife. Like, I knew I could have gone to the pub, I've done that before and met a non Christian girl. But I didn't want that. I wanted a Christian wife. And people say something like God's timing is the best and we know it's true, but it's hard to hear when you're single and you're lonely. So I've been there. I know how you feel. If that's you this morning, but truly is worth waiting for God's best for your life. Don't short circuit God's best for your life because he's got that. If you're earnestly praying to meet somebody who loves Jesus, you will and he's got a great plan for your life. But in that season, don't see it as wasted time. See it as a foundation time for your marriage and for the rest of your life. Dig deep into Jesus because babies will come along, life will get busy and you don't have as much quality time of you and him as you once could have done. I used to have this little balcony on a flat. Do you remember? Hey, look, I bought this. She didn't want to live there. You believe that? I bought this lovely flat looking out over this lake right in Leeds. And Esther wanted to get our own house together. But I used to sit on this little balcony reading my Bible, reading these scriptures. And it was a real foundation year for me. So challenge you to do that.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: Sorry, I'm mic'd up. Okay. So I was single. So my story is singleness and I think it's really important we discuss these things in the church.
And so I was single for most of my twenty s and I found singleness really, really hard. Like really hard. And I think from the age of about 16 I wanted to get married. I was 1617 and I wanted to get married but through most of my 20s, so I got married at 29. I was single.
And I think particularly it is hard in the church and it was kind of a few decades ago as I was growing up where you would have really good, well meaning people trying to match you with other people in the church. And if Phil and I try and do that, just tell us off. Just say no.
And in my twenty s I actually had four marriage proposals.
I know. All right, let me go to these. I won't say their names, I'm not going to say their names, but one of them was a proposal was from a Hungarian pastor who had only known me a week, and we went out on mission. I went out as an 18 year old on mission, and this Hungarian young pastor, who's in his 20s, was convinced. God had told him that I was going to be his wife, and I was not to go home with the mission lot to England. I was to stay there and be his wife. He even made a ring and put it on my finger, and then I took it off one night and just said, thank you for the present, but it's not for me. And then a year afterwards, he tried to find me in the UK.
Number two was a young man in our young adults group. I had never, ever dated him, so don't think having four proposals meant that I was kind of always in a relationship with somebody. All right? The second proposal was from one guy who was convinced, again, God had told him that I was to be his wife. I've got a few people smiling at me this morning, say, yeah, I've experienced that one. And never, ever went on a date with him. But he was convinced, and every Friday at young adults, that flowers would keep coming, and then I would keep throwing the flowers in a garden or something on the way home. And, yeah, just that ended there. And then another one was through a proposal of somebody who actually was a really good friend of mine, and we'd known for six years, and I actually said yes at one point, and we got engaged.
But it was one of those relationships where we'd grown up in the church and everybody said we ought to be together, but I never had that peace. And so we got engaged, and after three months, I had to hand the ring back. And I was probably about 24 at that time. And I handed the ring back.
Quite sad, because I had this desire to get married.
And then I had another marriage proposal after that, and then, no, and then you okay, I don't know about this one.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: I knew about three.
[00:08:50] Speaker B: And so singleness was really hard, and I found singleness really frustrating.
And I remember these lingering questions. Here are some of these lingering questions. And I was actually okay being on my own because I love my own company. Anybody like that, you love your own company? And I wasn't scared of my own company, but I was scared of, or asking the questions of, am I going to be on my own forever? Is this forever?
And that was one of the questions. The other question was, am I too picky?
And honestly, when I was, genes were like, 28, 27, 28. I was thinking, I must be too picky. Maybe I'm not hearing from God, right? And my sister, who's older than me, would go, I can't believe you turned down. I can't believe you just turned. Can't believe. And I actually had this lingering over me that, Esther, you're too picky. And no one ever is going to be good enough or right enough.
And then the third thing is, why was this? I was looking at all of my friends and my other siblings in their early 20s getting married. And I'd be looking and go, it's easy.
They seem to find somebody, date and get married like it's uncomplicated.
Why is my life so complicated? And I think we often. I did in my 20s. All of these questions were going over and over in my head that they actually became anxiety for me and fear over my life.
And it became really hard because although I was part time in church ministry, I was also a high school teacher. And at the end of coming, towards the end of the weekend, I'd have these lovely young teacher colleague men who would say, hey, s, shall we go to the pub after school this weekend? Can I take you out to meet such? Can we go to a party together? And the real difficult kind of crossroads for me, I knew that if I said yes, I would go down a road that I probably wouldn't find easy to get out of. And what I want to say to you is, and having witnessed two of my closest church friends leave the church over their singleness issue in order to find guys to find that easy relationship, I want to say just this morning, just a few things I've got. The first thing. Don't give up on God in your singleness. Don't give up on him. As hard as it is, never, ever give up on God. Keep pursuing his kingdom ways and his purposes for your life. Don't ever give up on God. Be absolutely determined. For those who are single this morning, I'm not talking. If you've been married and then you've since become a Christian and you've got an unsaved spouse talking for people in this place this morning, you love Jesus, you're single.
Whatever situation you're in, and you're single, be absolutely determined today, right now, in your singleness, that you will not be unequally yoked to anybody else, that you just won't go there. You won't have a relationship that is not honoring to God. I remember in my 20s going, I would rather stay single than live with somebody, marry somebody, connect myself to somebody who is not walking in the light, who just, I can't have conversations with Jesus about, I'll never be able to pray with them about raising children hard enough, let alone trying to raise children in a household where it's so divided.
I want to say to people this morning, if you are in that divided house, we're going to pray over you this morning before the morning's out, because there is hope. FoR those of you find yourself divorced, there is hope.
[00:13:00] Speaker A: Come on.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: For those of you this morning who you're in a household where you became Christians or you became a Christian, you found Jesus while being married to somebody, and they've not yet found Christ, there is hope.
[00:13:11] Speaker A: Come on.
[00:13:12] Speaker B: So the first thing, don't give up on God. Be absolutely determined that, Lord, you have my heart, and the person I marry will also have your heart. The second thing, I'll hurry really quickly. I don't know. Sorry. Take your time. Second thing is, I realized that through my 20s, it wasn't that I was being too picky. That was a lie. It wasn't that I was. What's second one? Yeah. It wasn't that I was fearful of even being in a relationship. It wasn't that I was going to be on my own forever. That is a lie of the enemy. If you feel like you're single, that you are single this morning, you feel like you're going to be on your own forehead. It's a lie. It's an absolute lie. It was a very simple thing that I just wasn't ready for marriage.
And some of you here this morning, if you're single, you may not be ready for marriage yet. It's as simple as that. Okay. And I was looking for this time frame. I think women probably do it more than men. We're looking at the body clocks ticking, and you're thinking, if I don't get married by this time, I won't be able to have children by this time.
Scripture is all about miracles. Scripture is all about a supernatural God breaking in, and it's got nothing to do with time frame. God does not operate in time frame. He operates in our calling and the purposes that he has upon our lives, not our time frame. So be encouraged this morning in our singleness. The first thing, my Uncle Alan, Alan Hewitt, he said this to me. He said, esther, live excited. God operates in seasons. God has purpose through seasons. And the wonderful thing about seasons, seasons come and seasons goes. You're in a real difficult season or a challenging season. The good news is this season will pass. Somebody say Amen.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: Amen, right?
[00:15:04] Speaker B: GenesiS says this, it says, as long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease. In other words, recognize the seasons we are in right now. They will come, they will go. So live excited because some of us are on the breakthrough of new seasons coming this church next year. Honestly, we are on the season, on the cast of a new new season for us as a church. So God is always moving. The final thing for our hands back to fill, have a mentor, whether it's for marriage or for singleness. Meet with somebody regularly. We are part of the body of Christ. I met somebody through my twenty s, a wonderful woman. And for about five or six years she would meet me once a month and we would meet at Pizza Hut. Do you remember Pizza Hut?
[00:15:59] Speaker A: Close?
[00:16:01] Speaker B: I think the chain is closed. Is it? I don't know. Anyway, she would meet me in Pizza Hut once a month and honestly she wouldn't say a thing.
I would for 2 hours, just share my frustrations, share my heart.
Please don't do that on a Sunday morning with someone.
Go meet them. And I shared my heart. This happened for about five years consistently. And then she would just grab my hands and pray over me and I would go away feeling, I feel lighter, I feel encouraged. It's just having that space to say, I just need to tell you. And she was completely confidential. Men go to men, women go to women. But have that person and yeah, I hope that's been of some help this morning. Thank you, sir.
[00:16:49] Speaker A: Fantastic.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Do you want me to stay up here?
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Yeah, why not? Because you're going to pray at the end, are you? Yeah.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: I like your new trainers, by the way.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: I'm a new top, the trainer trying to get trendy. My old age.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: He's 50 next year, so we're trying to keep him trendy.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Losing my hair, I can't stop that. But two points on that, right?
The third guy that she was engaged for three months was an Everton fan.
Okay.
And I've forgotten the last one, so I'm being stupid. So. Right. Let's get into marriage. Let's get into. Oh no, I didn't know about the other propOsal.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Not going to mention his name.
[00:17:32] Speaker A: No.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: We met him once in a swimming pool with, with the children.
Do you remember?
[00:17:38] Speaker A: Yes, I remember the last one.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Camping.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: I do remember. And now I remember the last point. I have only ever proposed to you.
Right. I've probably got 15 minutes. So listen, 15 minutes to talk about marriage is no time at all. So we're just going to look at it briefly today, and I'm certainly no wise marriage expert that can tell you everything, but just want to unpack a few thoughts. So, you know, I like to have a couple of bullet points. Remember last week, last time we spoke on the heart? We had CGG. Do you remember that? Check your heart, guard your heart, and give your heart to Jesus. Well, this morning, carrying on that theme is DGG, not CGG. DGG. I always want you to remember when you go home. So, first point in marriage, as a Christian marriage, number 1D means different.
Who knows that men and women are different?
Yeah. Okay. Well, I just want a little bit of fun to start. Is that all right? It doesn't really pick on women because I know you'd all throw tomatoes at me. There's both that we can pull out of it, but we're just going to watch a little video at the start. Just have a bit of fun before we get going. Is that all right?
Women always have more questions than men have answers to.
Great example of this. Six, seven months ago, I get a text one day. The text says, please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck. I walk into the kitchen where my wife is. I said, hey, I just got a text. And please pray for Tom. He was in a bad wreck. She said, was he driving? I said, I don't know. I just got texted. Please pray for Tommy was in a bad wreck. Were Carol and the kids in the car with him? I don't know. I just got texted. Please pray for Tommy.
Were the people in the other car hurt? I don't know. I just got wrecked. What hospital did they take him to? I don't know. I just got texted. Please pray for Tommy was in a bad wreck.
[00:19:29] Speaker B: She said, well, you don't know anything. What do you know?
[00:19:32] Speaker A: I know you need to pray. Your time.
[00:19:34] Speaker B: I just got text, ladies.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: It was clean, wasn't it?
Look, that does pick on men as well as women. It shows that men can only think about one thing at once, don't they, ladies? We can either think about nothing or one thing at once. That's it. Well, I can't. A lot of my friends can't. We have that program. And ladies can think of four things at once or four questions at once where there was only one answer. So what? We're different. God made us both different, right? Women often do these things. It's hard to not talk about our marriage. But I'm sure this happens to all of yours, right? How many men this morning? Give me a show of hands. Have been told off for something. Listen. That you don't know what you've done wrong.
Yeah, that's most of the rude. Okay, it's true. We don't know what we've done wrong because women have got all these different thoughts going on that we don't. And sometimes we don't know because we're different. We can celebrate a different. Going to look at that in a minute.
Next. Big one. And this is a big one, right? This is massive. Hats off to women. Our bodies were made different. Our bodies were made different. Ladies, you give birth, you go through all the stuff ladies do that men don't. You have a menopause. You have all these things men don't listen. Men tell jokes about stuff. At the last men's meeting that I had, I said, guys, we've got to stop doing that as Christian husbands. And I want to apologize on behalf of us as men. Ladies don't deserve that. They don't. We do not go through what ladies go through with their bodies. We don't. So when men get together and send stupid text, they're really funny. But they're not funny, really. And all men laugh about them. Down the golf club, down the football club. Tell things. If your wife's going through an emotional time, guys, your wife's going through a time where a body's not feeling what she normally does. Now is not a time to make a joke about it or a laugh, is it? Trying to get really practical this morning, Guys, as Christian husbands, we can love our wives in that time. We can try and understand them. We can try and be there for them. We don't fight back at them when they're feeling emotional. Yeah. Why? Because God made us different.
I know. 30 years ago and beyond, for a man to go to the birth of a child was deemed not good. So I was born in 1974. So, sorry, 50 years ago in 1974, when I was born, my father went to my birth and my sister's birth and his parents. It was like, what are you doing? There is no place for a man. So that generation and beyond, men didn't go. It was a thing that a woman just had to go and do bless her on her own. Listen, men need to go because you have the utmost respect for your wife. When you come home from that, you're like, I am glad I'm a man.
That is a big thing to go through. I've watched a normal birth. I've watched a C section. Anyone seen a C section? That is brutal. Listen, they get older. Little James'head number two, they cut a little hole, which is bad enough. So she's behind like a curtain, right, smiling at you because all this bottom bit's numb, but the top bit's not. She shook everything, all right? I'm like, yeah.
And then obviously they just cut the tummy. And then this little head comes out, and I kid you not, I was nearly going to chin in the surgeon, right? He puts his fingers like that under the baby's head, rags him out.
Little baby's coming out like, that's my son.
And then, have you seen the next one? They turned the baby over, flipping crack him on his back to make him breathe. I was like, wow, this is a big thing. What? We're different. So you girls go through stuff that we'll never go through with our bodies, and honestly, hats off. And for us, as husbands, we need to understand that we need to love our wives, we need to be there for them, and we need to have some empathy on those days where the feeling maybe things that the body is causing them to be emotional. I don't want to get into all that, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's a time to love your wife, to be there for her. And we need to be kind to our wives. We need to be actually in that season, say there's a few days in a month or whatever it might be for a lady where they're not feeling themselves. We need to be a stable rock, okay? We don't go through that. They do. We don't. So we need to be a stable rock loving kind there for them. Okay? Mark ten, verse nine, six to nine, sorry. Says, but from the beginning of creation, God made male and female. So right from the outset, he made male and he made female. All the things I just spoke about that was made Monte at the beginning of time, it was Adam, and then there was Eve, and we're made different. So we've got to remember that we're different. And guess what? That was God's plan from the start. Yeah, it was God's plan from the start. So whatever we're going through, God knew right at the outset a couple of other things men and women have this difference in generally, Rory will probably help you with this one, but in our minds and what we can do are very different in a man and a woman generally. So a woman generally will be very discerning, and I mean discerning. Esther will see things three months before I've ever seen it. And I sometimes say, really, darling, that's a bit cruel. You think that? Nah, that'll never happen.
Ten weeks later, it happens. Do you know what I mean? Women have a discernment gift that I believe men don't have. Okay?
Men backers up here. Now women. So I'm trying to be nice to you too. I believe men are probably more stable, right. That when we get news like that, are probably the right person to deliver the help or to deliver the coming alongside some bit or being that rock. Okay. But you see how they work together. The wife brings the news, shares it. You can pray things through, and then the husband can stand by it. Because I've often seen times where anxiety can creep in more sometimes to a woman than a man. And uncertainty and panicking where a man's more the lion that goes out to collect the food and bring it back to the house. How beautiful that they come together, husband and wife. Man and woman. Yeah, that's God's plan. So through those differences, we actually complement each other. Are you getting that?
You're all looking at me gone out.
So we complement each other. Right. First one, we're different. We've got that number one, different D. Second G, the best one. God. God, right. In a Christian marriage, guess who's got to be at the center. Always got to be him. Aren't it Jesus'gotta? Be the centre of all that we do. Ever seen that triangle written down where God's at the top? You got husband, you got wife here. Guess what? As we draw closer to God, we're actually drawing closer to each other, aren't we? Yeah. Husband, wife. So as we come together here, that's the plan. Okay. So as we draw near to Jesus, we should be drawing near to one another, loving one another. Because the more we love him, the more the kindness should come. The understanding, the loving others, the prefer one another mentality. Everything that should be good about our life becoming more like Jesus should make us a better husband and a better wife. Yeah. So as we draw near to him, God has got to be at the center.
Ephesians four, verse twelve in the NIV.
I've just said, answer. Marriage is tough sometimes because we're different. Listen to this. Not Ephesians, sorry. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes four, verse twelve. It says, though 1 may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. Famous old Scripture, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. You all know that. New living translation, same scripture, a person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better for a triple braided cord is not easily broken. Wow, that is powerful, isn't it? In our marriage, that is powerful. So with God at the center of your marriage, church, it keeps you strong. It's not easily broken, is it? When trials come, when temptations come, if God's at the center, first thing you should do is get to your knees and Pray together. Beautiful things of praying together as a husband and wife. Many times, Esther and I even moving here to Newton Abbot, big decision by the side of our bed. We pray God make it clear. The next morning, got a great answer. We prayed. Prayer gets answered. We went see David, Alice this week. I've lost my keys. Esther, we'll pray about it. We all prayed about it. Got a text from Dave, found my keys. Come on. How do you know that? God answers prayers from the littlest thing in the life, like a set of keys, to big decisions, like moving you as a couple, as a family, to the other side of the country. Prayer, having your bedrock in him at the outset, is so important in your marriage.
[00:28:38] Speaker B: Simple.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: But are we all doing a church? Are we all putting him? Are we making decisions individually in our marriage? Are we like, what does she know about that?
Are we coming together to him as we're drawn near to him, we're drawn near to one another with God at the center.
Another famous passage. I don't want to dig too much into it this morning, but I want to read it out. It's great to read out Scripture and just focus in on the one main point I believe gets missed so much in this. So you'll all know it. Ephesians five, verse 21. And it says, and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as if to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. The church, as this church, submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Next one. I've actually put this in bold here. Husbands, you ready? Get this right. So many people want to look at that scripture about the wife, and you hear it so much. Okay. Men have abused that scripture for too long. Listen to this church, verse 25. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. Wow.
If we truly love our wives like he loved the church, that's going to be some good marriages out there, isn't it? Yeah. He gave up everything for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fall. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body, but feeds and care for it. So just as Christ cares for their church. Love your wives. Okay, I just want to look at that first point again. It's actually at the start. I reckon it should be at the end because it says furthermore, don't. It says furthermore. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Yeah, I don't think you need to get into the whole wives and husbands thing through that. It's in the scriptures. It's there for us to learn. We could look at that another day. In fact, do you remember when Ruben did it? Young Ruben? Ruben preached on this. He's never got married yet come back and do that in 20 years.
He was good, though. But I just want to focus on this this morning before we move on. It's this. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wow. Yeah. So as you individually love Jesus, you submit it to one another. Both of us. Yeah. It's this three way thing all the time. Coming through with Jesus at the head as we submit to him what marriage we're going to have. Yeah.
Final scripture on this point. Hebrews 13, verse four. Let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral.
Listen, guys, we need to keep our eyes on our wives only and wives with the husband. Things start with a little small text, don't they? A little small thing. Why are you speaking about this on a Sunday morning, Phil? Because I care for you. And a Christian marriage is sacred. Yeah. You don't say your vows and not mean them. I know there's grace. Esther spoke about that, where things go wrong. But let's enter a Christian marriage and stay on the same track to all our lives loving our wife and our wife only. Looking at our wife and our wife only. Yeah. Keep the marriage bed pure. Keep the marriage bed pure. It's the most beautiful thing ever. I have seen so many cases of destroyed lives. Some church leaders, some sad, sad situations where they took their eyes off him, right. And they got to bed with another woman. And the train wreck is just frightening for the children, for the church. But generally in our lives, you don't have to be a church leader. Come on, let's keep the marriage bed pure. Amen.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: Amen.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: We've got to be intentional about this, church. On the days you think, well, she's not being very nice to me. So what? You made a vow before Jesus that you were going to honor her for the rest of your life. The richest, the poorer, in sickness and health. We've got to do it, church. We've got to love our wives and put them first. Wives are going to do the same with your husbands. Yeah. He won't have his six pack and his big shoulders forever.
The honeymoon pictures that look great. In 30 years, it's not going to look like that. Still your husband. I'm going to tell you, I have written it down here, but I think one of the most beautiful things is seeing an older couple. And I picture it often. You walk down by the seafront, you see somebody walking along in the. I'm picturing, like, John and Margaret. They've been married for 50 years, don't you think? 60.
This is my picture, not yours.
Hackling.
No, but 50 years or 60 years, whatever it is, a great tenure like that in a Christian marriage, don't you think they'll have been through some tough times? Don't you think they'll have been through some times when they wanted to scream? Don't think. There have been some real challenges along the way, but they're still together, and as we all get old and wrinkly, we can get old and wrinkly together. How beautiful. But keep God at the center. This is the point, to do that. Keep God at the center. You ever seen that sketch on the Titanic where the old couple can't get out and they just lay on the bed holding hands of the water creature in the room? I just think, wow. You know what I mean?
We want to stay pure right till the end with our husband and our wife, and then we go to be with Jesus. Yeah. That is the beauty of a Christian marriage. So to do that, to keep God at the center, I'm going to be practical as well. We need to be intentionally staying connected. Guys, ladies, we need to be intentional about that. Do the movie, do the hot days, do the things that keeps you close together. Esther and I went for a weekend in Bath, the first time in 17 years of having children, only because Esther's mum and dad have got so many other children. We kind of said, yeah, you babysit the others. We never asked them to babysit ours because we were trying to be kind. But the fact was we never went away for 17 years on our own. And we went away three months ago to Bath for a weekend. It was lovely. Just estranite. So when you all get married, go back to the start. Go back to that time right at the outset. Yeah. Keep God at the center. Keep God at the center.
As we've drawn near to Jesus, I want you to know that it becomes attractive to one another. Yeah. One of the most beautiful things I saw when I was dating Esther was a love for Jesus. Well, don't you think it's the same for them with us? So guys, dig into the word wives. Put Jesus at the centre. Put God at the center. It's actually attractive to the wife. Okay. To the husband. Some people say love making starts at breakfast. We'll not get into that, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Love one another. Be intentional. Come on, let's get alongside them and love them and cherish them. Final one. DGG. So we're different. We need God at the center. Absolutely. Massive. Third one. And I want to really say this and mean it. It's good. Gee, for good. Marriage is great. It's good. How many people. Listen, how many people get married? First and foremost, because they see all the times Esther was meeting all those millions of people that asked her to marry her.
When you actually get married, you're looking for the nobody's perfect. However nobody's perfect this morning. You'll never meet a perfect partner. I'm not perfect, but you generally find about eight out of ten that you, like think you have to marry this person. And you know what? The two out of ten kind of fades into its significant. And you fall in love and you're concentrating on the eight. How many marriages then concentrate on the two out of ten that they don't like. You think, come on, let's get back to I love this person. Yeah, it's good. You love them. You fell in love with them. The greats. It's good, yeah.
Genesis two, verse 18.
Do you know why it's good? God said this, said the Lord. God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. So if it's not good for man to be alone, must be good to be married. Remember that. It's good to be married. It's great. Let's rejoice in Christian marriage. It is great to be married. Marriage is God's plan. Yeah, marriage is God's plan.
So from those first few exciting times together, let that carry right through your marriage. Do you know what? Sometimes when you get into marriage, some things need to go from the past.
Yeah. Like when we got married, right? And children started to come along. Esther said, guess what? When it's Christmas, my dad used to stand at the top of the stairs, my mum behind my dad, and sort of come down the steps in a line. It was like Esther's dad, Esther's mum, Esther's older sister, Esther. And they all went up in line. Seven of them walked down the steps into the lounge.
I tried it a couple of times. I thought, this is crazy.
Make your own traditions in marriage. Two people come together. There's two different homes come together. Some stuff you carry forward, that's fine, but your own goodness together. Find your own philanesterisms. Find your own rhythm in your marriages, right? Put one another first. Rejoice in what they've been through, but put one another. Remember, marriage is good. Yeah.
Matt, do you want to come out?
The final point, just before I'm going to hand over to Esther to pray for us, and then Matt's going to lead us in. Some time of worship is. Don't argue, church. Honestly, don't argue. It's a simple point. Remember the good. But listen, when I was 40, right, on my 40th birthday, do you remember, S. We had a bit of a humdinger of an argument, and I left all day. And it was the one night I slept away from the marriage home. I was so mad with Esther, she was probably more mad with me. And I went to sleep with my friends. That guy in Macklesfield, actually. And I went to stay there, and it was the loneliest, worst night of my life. Awful. I eventually got to sleep. I woke up and felt so shallow at, what the heck are you doing? And I rang her up, said, can I come home? She said, she can. And I ran home to her, put me arm around her, and it was beautiful. And we had to work some things through. Generally, a lot of it was me.
Yeah.
But anger is rubbish in marriage, and it probably is more of a blokey thing, but anger is rubbish. Yeah. Don't let the sun go down in your anger. That famous scripture, do not bring anger into your marriage, because it is a train wreck waiting to happen. Right. It's a train wreck waiting to happen. And I think sometimes, especially for us guys, if that's your situation, go to him before you go to her. Get your heart right with Jesus. And then the outworking of that is you'll deal with situations better. Don't drive out the house like a child like I did, and go and stay somewhere else. We need to remove anger out of marriages. Anger in marriages is not good, because marriage is good. It's God's plan. So we need to be intentional, and that means getting rid of anger.
[00:40:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I think you can't cover this on a Sunday morning. We just can't cover it on a Sunday morning. And the whole goal of our lives is that there is a radiant church at the end.
That has to be the goal. And I'm actually glad there's no marriage in heaven, because one husband on earth is probably enough.
And I love marriage. We have a great marriage, a wonderful marriage.
But the goal is that it reflects Christ on the earth and his relationship. Christ's relationship.
I just gone. Sorry.
Christ's relationship with the church. So all the points that Phyllis brought this morning, to not be angry to all of these things is because, actually, ultimately, we want to glorify Christ.
And sometimes, if we're honest, our marriages, our relationships haven't glorified Christ.
And we have been guilty that ten years ago, it's a really tough patch in our marriage, addressing what our neighbors thought, our wider family, what they thought.
And so the goal is that God, you would, through our relationships, whether we're single, whether we're married, whether we're divorced, that we would radiate Christ.
And so I want to pray this morning, and I have such a heart for people who are single, and I have such a heart for people who are divorced.
And I have then a heart, and I have a heart for those who have been married or aren't in a marriage relationship now. And they became a Christian while in that marriage.
And I want to pray really specifically this morning. So I want to just pray. And I just want to say this passage over this morning. So I'm trying to juggle all this kind of. Hold it.
Thank you.
Okay. I really feel. Speakers over this morning. So. Philippians 313.
So maybe just get ready this morning. We're not going to call people forward. We just want. We say, Holy Spirit, come this morning. Come minister into hearts and lives across this place this morning. Philippians 313. It says this, and Paul is talking, that Christ has done so much.
He's given his whole life for us.
Our pride is Christ himself.
And Paul says that I'm in this process of sanctification.
This process is basically Lord.
I'm in the process of trying to be more like Christ every day that I live. I haven't attained that perfection yet, but I know I'm on the right track. I'm wanting to get there where I'm becoming more like Christ in my lIfe.
And Paul then goes on in verse 13, he says, not that I've already attended this or have arrived at my goal. None of us have. We. But he says, I press on, and some of you this morning, you're on that process of sanctification. I remind you that we're on a process of sanctification. We have not arrived at our goal yet. So we're on that process.
And some of you this morning, okay, have got to press on now and take hold of what Christ has done for us. And he goes on to say this, he says, for that which Christ Jesus took hold of me, brothers and sisters, back to you and I this morning, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do.
So this is now on us. This is now something we've got to do and we're not very good at doing bit.
He says this, he says one thing I do, forgetting what is behind some in this room this morning, you need to forget what's behind.
It's not time to carry it. If we want to really, truly be sanctified day by day, take hold of all that Christ has for us and has taken hold of us. We believe the message of salvation. We believe the power of the cross.
Then we have got to forget certain things in the past.
We've got to let go of shame over divorce that has maybe taken hold of our lives. And you've got to say this while you leave this morning. Go. Divorce is not now taking hold of me. Christ, some may be in this place this morning you've allowed lies of singleness. You've looked at yourself. But there's something about me. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy enough, or I've had a train wreck of past relationships.
God hasn't got anything good for me. That lie needs to go. You say, Lord, this lie is not taking hold of me any longer.
You are taking hold of me.
There are some in this room this morning. You've since come to know Christ, and you have been faithful for decades in that relationship.
And your spouse have been prayed for your spouse a long time. And your spouse has yet to find Christ as their Lord and Savior, be released.
Be released from feeling guilty that his salvation relies on you.
Some of you are saying, I don't think I prayed enough. I fasted enough over my husband or my wife that does not yet know you, Lord, be released this morning from that guilt. It is not reliant on you.
Will you bow your head this morning, this morning. Holy Spirit, will you come pray first for those who are single in this place.
Father, I declare this morning that marriage is good.
I declare this morning say that it's not good for anyone to be alone.
Yes, there are times when people are called to singleness, but not everybody is called to singleness.
And, Father, I dare. I dare to believe that we're going to celebrate so many marriages in the months and years ahead and reach.
We're going to see young men and women who have saved themselves for Jesus Christ.
We're going to see godly marriages take place in Newton Abbot through his church. I pray, Lord, that you will keep all those that are single. Keep their minds, their hearts, strengthen them, Lord, empower them to make good choices. And, Lord, that you would reward them for their faithfulness. You reward them, Father and Lord, for some who've been waiting a long time, I pray, Lord, that it wouldn't take too long now that there will be some suddenly moments. 2024, that we will see some suddenly moments come. I'm not just talking about young people getting married.
[00:48:33] Speaker A: I'm.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: I'm talking to. Maybe you're in your 30s, your 40s, your fifty s, sixty s, seven. Any age in Jesus name. Pray for joy over your countenances this morning.
Pray for that wonderful contentment over your life that you give yourself permission. Don't believe the lie that life starts when you get married. Give yourself permission this morning to enjoy life today. Enjoy life today. Life is yours in all its fullness because of Jesus Christ.
Pray over those who are divorced this morning.
Pray, Lord, for anyone carrying any shame.
Father, you know that we are frail. You know our weaknesses, all of us.
And, Lord, while we know that things do saddle your heart, Lord, the wonderful truth is that we are not alone.
Through the sad times, through the difficult times and the challenging times of life.
Maybe this morning, Lord, for some of us that walk through broken relationships, if we haven't said sorry, we come fresh this morning. We just repent. We say sorry, Lord, for any part that we've played in any brokenness that may have taken place.
And in return, Lord, we pick up your freedom and your healing and the hope that we have in you, Lord and Father, not just us repenting, but we also forgive those that have wounded us.
Maybe difficult relationship this morning. Somebody has wounded you.
Somebody has hurt you. It might be a brother or sister, sibling, it might be a son. They've wounded you this morning we release forgiveness in this place.
You, Lord, those who are married this morning, we thank you and honor those for decades who have honored the marriage vow, not because it's been easy, but they've honored it day after day after day. We thank you and we honor them in this place this morning and we pray your blessing over every marriage.
We pray, Lord, when there are challenging times that we would not be too prideful to reach out for help, that there have been a place, safety and help and support and comfort the Lord. You may have marriage as fun.
You bring fun, Lord, for those who've been married for a few decades, you bring fun into our marriages.
Let's stand together this morning. Anything has affected you in any way or this challenged you or you need some further prayer this morning, David, Alice, we give you a way. You can go see David, Alice at the back there this morning or come and see Phil and I, or come and see Matt at the front this morning. Just come and ask Matt for prayer.
But Father, we thank you for your church.
Thank you for men, thank you for women.
Thank you for the differences that we have, Lord, thank you, Lord, that we are made in the glorious image of you.
The Lord bless your church this morning. Thank you for your word in Jesus might name.
